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🥋 Chuck Norris

The facts, but louder.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone

And he will....

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Chuck Norris doesn't sleep

He waits....

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Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

True story....

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Chuck Norris can speak braille

With his fists....

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When Chuck Norris enters a room

He doesn't turn the lights on. He turns the dark off....

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Chuck Norris doesn't age

Time is just too scared to pass him....

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Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends

With his imaginary fists....

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Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

Nobody knows how....

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Chuck Norris doesn't get paper cuts

Paper gets Chuck Norris cuts....

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Chuck Norris can light a fire with a magnifying glass

At night....

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Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death

He wins fair and square....

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When Chuck Norris crosses the street

The cars have to look both ways....

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Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds

And it's perfectly cooked....

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a weapon

He is the weapon....

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Chuck Norris can clap with one hand

And the sound is deafening....

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Chuck Norris doesn't get frostbite

Chuck Norris bites frost....

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Chuck Norris can text while driving

Because the road moves for him....

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Chuck Norris can divide by zero

Multiple times a day....

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Chuck Norris doesn't breathe air

He holds air hostage....

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Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter

Because butter fears him....

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Chuck Norris jokes treat reality like a polite suggestion. Expect clean bravado, effortless wins, and one-liners that bully common sense. Chuck Norris content is perfect for captions, roasts, and morale boosts where you want swagger without the side effects—absurd, triumphant, and immune to patch notes.

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