Joke Riot

The World's Top 100 Best Jokes

Ranked by community votes — the cream of the comedy crop!

🏆 Top 100 best jokesBrowse all categories
#1

While digging in the garden, I found a chest full of gold coins.

I wanted to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

9.3/10 · 3 votes
Dark Humor
#2

Haaland doesn't eat to play football

He plays football to justify eating.

9.0/10 · 1 vote
Haaland Jokes
#3

When Haaland shoots

The net files a police report.

9.0/10 · 1 vote
Haaland Jokes
  1. #4

    Haaland does yoga.

    9.0/101 vote
  2. #5

    What's 18 inches long and makes women scream?

    8.5/102 votes
  3. #6

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero

    8.5/102 votes
  4. #7

    Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter

    8.5/102 votes
  5. #8

    How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

    8.5/102 votes
  6. #9

    Chemists do it

    8.5/102 votes
  7. #10

    How many programmers to change a lightbulb?

    8.3/103 votes
  8. #11

    When the boogeyman goes to sleep,

    8.3/103 votes
  9. #12

    A photon checks into a hotel.

    8.3/103 votes
  10. #13

    I told my psychiatrist I was hearing voices.

    8.0/103 votes
  11. #14

    What's the worst part about having sex in a cemetery?

    8.0/103 votes
  12. #15

    What did one lab rat say to the other?

    8.0/103 votes
  13. #16

    Why did the scarecrow win an award?

    8.0/103 votes
  14. #17

    What do you call a cow with a twitch?

    8.0/102 votes
  15. #18

    A woman is checking out at the grocery store with bananas, coffee, soy milk, oatmeal, and hairspray.

    8.0/102 votes
  16. #19

    What do you call fake spaghetti?

    8.0/102 votes
  17. #20

    A horse walks into a bar.

    8.0/102 votes
  18. #21

    Why did the astronomer break up?

    8.0/102 votes
  19. #22

    Gravity

    8.0/102 votes
  20. #23

    It's not a bug,

    8.0/101 vote
  21. #24

    Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

    8.0/101 vote
  22. #25

    Mom's superpower:

    8.0/101 vote
  23. #26

    How many psychologists to change a lightbulb?

    8.0/101 vote
  24. #27

    A blonde's computer isn't working.

    8.0/101 vote
  25. #28

    How does a cow with no lips say moo?

    8.0/101 vote
  26. #29

    Why did little Emily fall off the swing?

    8.0/101 vote
  27. #30

    Argentina spent forty years mastering the dark arts.

    8.0/101 vote
  28. #31

    Argentina goes down under contact.

    8.0/101 vote
  29. #32

    The Hand of God only needed one hand.

    8.0/101 vote
  30. #33

    Haaland doesn't score goals.

    8.0/101 vote
  31. #34

    I told a chemistry joke.

    8.0/101 vote
  32. #35

    Why are chemists great for solving problems?

    8.0/101 vote
  33. #36

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

    8.0/101 vote
  34. #37

    Substituting Haaland isn't a tactic

    8.0/101 vote
  35. #38

    Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes at a joke he's told before,

    8.0/101 vote
  36. #39

    Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a busAnd I lost my job as a bus driver....

    8.0/101 vote
  37. #40

    Haaland's steak knife

    8.0/101 vote
  38. #41

    Haaland's favourite formation

    8.0/101 vote
  39. #42

    Why is Haaland so quick off the mark?

    8.0/101 vote
  40. #43

    Haaland isn't offside

    8.0/101 vote
  41. #44

    I told my therapist I feel like everyone hates me.

    8.0/101 vote
  42. #45

    What has four wheels and flies?

    8.0/101 vote
  43. #46

    What building has the most stories?

    8.0/101 vote
  44. #47

    Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?

    8.0/101 vote
  45. #48

    What sound does a subatomic duck make?

    8.0/101 vote
  46. #49

    A mole of moles

    8.0/101 vote
  47. #50

    I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

    8.0/101 vote
  48. #51

    Mbappé is the fastest man in football.

    8.0/101 vote
  49. #52

    Haaland doesn't need a hat-trick.

    8.0/101 vote
  50. #53

    Haaland doesn't warm up.

    8.0/101 vote
  51. #54

    Haaland doesn't stretch before games.

    8.0/101 vote
  52. #55

    Alisson has saved everything there is to save.

    8.0/101 vote
  53. #56

    Donnarumma is the biggest keeper in the world.

    8.0/101 vote
  54. #57

    Saliba is the calmest defender in England.

    8.0/101 vote
  55. #58

    Messi makes defenders look silly.

    8.0/101 vote
  56. #59

    Messi bends physics.

    8.0/101 vote
  57. #60

    Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

    7.8/104 votes
  58. #61

    I used to hate facial hair

    7.7/103 votes
  59. #62

    They say you are what you eat.

    7.7/103 votes
  60. #63

    I would tell a time travel joke,

    7.7/103 votes
  61. #64

    I've been diagnosed with chronic optimism.

    7.5/102 votes
  62. #65

    Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch.

    7.5/102 votes
  63. #66

    I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.

    7.5/102 votes
  64. #67

    The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

    7.5/102 votes
  65. #68

    Chuck Norris doesn't breathe air

    7.5/102 votes
  66. #69

    What's brown and sticky?

    7.5/102 votes
  67. #70

    Your mother is so fat

    7.5/102 votes
  68. #71

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    7.3/103 votes
  69. #72

    How do you organize a space party?

    7.0/102 votes
  70. #73

    Why don't skeletons fight?

    7.0/102 votes
  71. #74

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

    7.0/102 votes
  72. #75

    I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.

    7.0/101 vote
  73. #76

    Why did the scarecrow win an award?

    7.0/101 vote
  74. #77

    Never trust atoms.

    7.0/101 vote
  75. #78

    Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

    7.0/101 vote
  76. #79

    Why did the broom get a good grade?

    7.0/101 vote
  77. #80

    Time flies like an arrow.

    7.0/101 vote
  78. #81

    What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?

    7.0/101 vote
  79. #82

    Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

    7.0/101 vote
  80. #83

    I'm reading a book about mazes.

    7.0/101 vote
  81. #84

    I'm on a whiskey diet.

    7.0/101 vote
  82. #85

    Why do cats sit on computers?

    7.0/101 vote
  83. #86

    Why did the scarecrow win an award?

    7.0/101 vote
  84. #87

    Chuck Norris can clap with one hand

    7.0/101 vote
  85. #88

    What's better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics?

    7.0/101 vote
  86. #89

    Neymar goes down.

    7.0/101 vote
  87. #90

    Lewandowski wrote the manual on playing number nine.

    7.0/101 vote
  88. #91

    They raced Mbappé and Haaland. Mbappé won.

    7.0/101 vote
  89. #92

    Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?"

    7.0/101 vote
  90. #93

    Cremation.

    7.0/101 vote
  91. #94

    I asked the funeral director if the service was expensive.

    7.0/101 vote
  92. #95

    Why did the cat cross the road?

    7.0/101 vote
  93. #96

    They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.

    7.0/101 vote
  94. #97

    When I told my date I worked with animals, she found it really sweet and asked more about my job.

    7.0/101 vote
  95. #98

    After the man who created the hokeypokey died, it took a while to get the body in the casket.

    7.0/101 vote
  96. #99

    My grandma has the heart of a lion

    7.0/101 vote
  97. #100

    Blonde's password rejected: too weak.

    7.0/101 vote